Fatherhood. It’s almost portrayed as a rite of passage. If you are a man, there is an expectation that you will become a dad. Plus, whenever men talk about fatherhood it’s always positive. Sure there are chaotic stories that they enjoy sharing but they are told with humor because time has healed the wounds. Fatherhood is made to sound so great and it really is. However, it’s not great simply for the fact that it is a normal thing for men to become fathers. Fatherhood is great because of how difficult it is. Anything of real value, that is truly worth doing, is challenging. Being a dad is a battle.
Fatherhood is the battle that never stops. I’d like to say its most challenging when kids are young since I’m writing this while attempting to get a stubborn two year old to go to sleep an hour and a half past her bedtime, but I recognize that the challenge can escalate with age. Your kids figure things out, maybe they grow to think they are superior because of accomplishments, maybe they get trapped in the wrong circle of friends, honestly there are so many scenarios that can be worse than sitting with a stubborn two year old. The battle doesn’t stop. That’s exactly why we have to expect it.
Expectation is a remarkable sense we possess. It can motivate us. You could be struggling financially but if you are expecting that bonus check in the next two weeks, the suffering doesn’t seem as bad. If you expect your two year old to be stubborn at bedtime, like a two year old, you’ll find that you won’t be as frustrated. The flip side is also true though. If you are expecting your two year old to go right to sleep so that you can join your family to watch a new movie and she chooses to be stubborn, you would probably be incredibly frustrated because your expectations were not met, ultimately resulting in you being out of control.
Some days will be easy. My wife and I have found ourselves standing in the kitchen quietly staring at each other because all three kids were asleep before 7pm. While there are miraculous days, most days will be a challenge because fatherhood is a battle. This is why it is critical for us to expect the battle. If we approach fatherhood as an ongoing conflict where we are fighting for something of immense value, when the challenges present themselves, we rise to the occasion prepared to do what’s necessary to overcome.
Obviously I want you to catch the metaphor. Please don’t scream “We are Sparta” and then kick your child. You have the task before you to form, maintain, and nurture relationship all while giving guidance for their physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. Your kids will push back. They will challenge your guidance. You can be appalled and retaliate in a childlike fashion or you can be the dad they need, the dad who’s expecting the battle. The dad who knows your child will directly disobey you, they will make lots of mistakes, they will have emotional moments that cause them to say things they don’t mean, and they will act like broken humans. As a dad who expects the battle, you’ll be prepared for those moments. You’ll equip yourself with the knowledge, community, and resources required to defend the vital and priceless cause of fathering positive agents of change.
So gear up. It’s time to battle.