One of the worst feelings a man can deal with is failure. We hate to fail. We hate to make mistakes. When we drop the ball and come up short it’s so easy to initially be flooded with defeat. Surprisingly though, there is something that can take that defeat and transform it into humility and gratitude. Grace.
Grace gives you something you don’t deserve. You haven’t earned it, you’ve come up short, but still you’ve received something favorable. Grace is powerful, which is why we should use it as fathers. The humility and gratitude you experience as a recipient of grace is not unique to you, its universal. So would you rather your children feel defeat or humility and gratitude? I think the answer is obvious but I want to make sure you don’t miss something critical. Humility requires defeat. If you do not allow your kids to try and fail, and you constantly give favor to them, you will spoil them. Help your children see an objective and encourage them to work toward it. When they fail, you will have an opportunity to teach, guide, and give grace. However, if you want to seize that opportunity you will have to be looking for it.
When we receive something that we highly value, there tends to be a natural proclivity to give. If I was given a million dollars, yes I would take care of some things for my family but then I’d look for others I could bless. As personal recipients of grace, we all desire to give it but we miss moments because we aren’t looking for them.
In Genesis, Adam and Eve disobeyed God. They immediately saw the shame of their wrong and hid themselves. God already knew what they had done yet He still went walking through the garden and called out to them. He sought out the opportunity to give grace. Even as God explains the results of their actions He gives grace through a promise that their offspring would ultimately bring about redemption for them and creation. God wanted them to know that even though they failed, even though life had changed, they were still valuable.
In Luke 15, Jesus shares three stories concluding with what we call the story of the prodigal son. We love the part where the son sees his father running to him and reinstates him as a son. Now one could easily think that the father didn’t need to run out there. If the son showed up and approached his father, the dad could have reinstated him all the same. That’s not really the point. Leading up to this story Jesus speaks of a shepherd who left his 99 other sheep to find one and of a woman who left her nine coins to clean the house in order to find one. The implication carried over from these stories is that the father left his responsibility at the home for a greater purpose, to watch for his son. The father was able to run to his son while he was a great distance from the house because he was watching for him. The father was waiting for the opportunity to give grace.
As dads, some opportunities will come to us but others we should watch and wait for. You’ve been in your kid’s shoes, you know what trials they will face, and you know what mistakes they are on a path toward. As a giver of grace you should be on watch. You should treat them like your child even when they’ve messed up and they don’t even realize you know about the mess. You should wait for them to come to terms with their mistakes and then you should rush in to shower them with grace. Grace givers wait and watch for the moments they can give grace. So wait, pay attention, watch with focused eyes, and give your children grace.