So I’m about 99% sure you read the title and had thoughts of confusion and maybe even anger. Just hang in there and hear what I’m really saying.
If you’re around my age or older, you remember the consequences for back-talking. I know people who would get whipped, grounded, yelled at, humiliated, or slapped across the face when talking back to their parents. Back-talk varies of course. There are times a child speaks back disrespectfully, possibly even name calling, and those instances should not be allowed. Other instances just involve questions or comments. Either way, back in the day and likely in homes today, any form of back-talk was punishable because, for whatever reason, speaking back to or questioning the words of an “authority” meant you were wrong and out of line.
As I mentioned above, some form of discipline needs to occur when your child speaks back disrespectfully. Now I wouldn’t advise a slap across the face but use wisdom in how you correct. Disrespect of any individual is wrong, not just disrespect of you. Outside of disrespectful responses, we needs to be accepting and tolerable of our children’s words. There will be painstaking instances where our kids make a valid point. There will be other times our kids simply need clarity. Why should we rob them of their intellect and lack of understanding because of our ego? We should not, and thus we should tolerate their back-talking.
There are some things that are important for us to remember. First, we are dads, not dictators. We are not given children to boss them around. We are given children to guide. That is especially important because we’re not omniscient and our word is not indelible. We do not know everything, as much as we’d like to think we do. We make mistakes and give bad advice from time to time. Knowing that about ourselves, we should not desire to be dictators because we are likely to forcibly lead our children in a bad direction. Also, with the knowledge of our lack of knowledge, how could we think it’s good to not allow our children a voice? If we do not possess absolutely knowledge, we should expect times where our kids speak up.
Lastly, respect is earned, even from your kids. Dictating respect, when you’re not a respectable man, is damaging to your kids. Living in a way that merits respect from others, including your kids, is the way to go about things. So as you tolerate back-talking, and respect the words of your kids, you’ll start to see your kids have an increasing value and respect of your words.
Remember:
- You’re not as smart as you think you are, they will have questions and confusion.
- Respect is earned and it should not be mandated.
- You’re not a dictator, you’re a dad. That makes you a leader. So lead. Be the first to respect their words and they will follow suit.