There’s no parenting manual that perfectly prepares you for the moment your 5-year-old son throws a roll of vinyl at your face because he lost a video game. And yet, there I was—eye nearly hit, emotions flaring, and a room full of family watching my response.
As Christian dads, we often talk about being present, being strong, and leading with love. But what happens when your pride is hurt, your authority is challenged, and you feel that knee-jerk reaction to show who’s boss?
That’s when the real test begins.
This story isn’t just about a game of Wii boxing gone sideways. It’s about how we, as fathers, handle the heat of the moment—how we lead, correct, and disciple our children when everything in us wants to do the opposite.
Let’s talk about how we can parent through moments of chaos, frustration, and disrespect—without reacting in ways that damage the very relationship we’re trying to build.
The Setup: Competition and Emotions
We had family staying with us for a few days, and the kids were playing on the Wii—bowling, boxing, and every other game the console had to offer. My son Frankie, who was five at the time, was having the time of his life. He’s competitive, like both me and his mom. That means when he loses, it stings.
He had already beaten his cousin, his uncle, and was ready to take on dad. Let’s just say, his record took a hit that day.
When I beat him at Wii boxing, Frankie didn’t just get upset—he launched a roll of vinyl at my face. It hit right under my eye. And at that moment, I had to decide what kind of dad I wanted to be.
When You Want to React, But Choose to Respond
Every part of me wanted to react—to punish, to assert my authority, to make a quick example out of him.
But I didn’t.
Instead, I paused. Let me tell you, there is power in the pause.
I sent him to his room, walked in with him a few minutes later, and sat down with the vinyl roll in hand. I let him hold it. I asked him if it felt heavy. Were the corners sharp? Would it hurt to get hit with it?
He answered yes to all of it. And then we talked.
Why I Didn’t Just Spank Him
I still believe there’s a time and place for spankings. This idea is constantly being challenged because I keep trying to make sense out of how that actually disciples my children. Internal thoughts aside, spankings are incredibly rare in our house and I could not tell you the last time it happened.
That occasion, I told Frankie, “This is probably something you deserve a spanking for.” He got physical with me. He acted out in anger. And yes, he embarrassed me in front of family.
But I also saw something deeper: a boy who didn’t yet know how to manage his emotions or navigate competition. What he needed wasn’t punishment. What he needed was direction.
The 3 Lessons I Want to Share with You
1. The Power of Communication
I spent 20–25 minutes talking with my son about:
- How it feels to be hit in the face
- What games really mean (and don’t mean)
- What to do when you lose
- Why his actions affect others
Telling our kids what not to do isn’t enough. We have to show them what to do instead.
“Don’t run” doesn’t mean “walk.” It could mean crawl, jump, slide, or roll. Clarity matters.
When your child lashes out, they may not even understand why they’re feeling what they’re feeling. That’s where our communication becomes discipleship. It’s not just discipline—it’s guidance.
2. Specify What’s Right
We often stop at correction:
- “Don’t throw.”
- “Don’t yell.”
- “Don’t act that way.”
But that’s not enough.
We need to say:
- “When you’re angry, take a deep breath.”
- “If you lose, congratulate the winner.”
- “If you need a break, say so calmly.”
Kids don’t learn emotional intelligence on their own. They learn it by watching us, talking with us, and being taught what to do, not just what not to do.
And here’s the truth: we often forget they’re just kids.
We try to impose adult-level maturity on little boys. We expect five-year-olds to process emotions like they’ve lived for thirty years. But they’re not grown men. They’re children learning how to be men—and we are their primary example.
3. Let the Mission Lead the Moment
In that moment—after getting hit in the face—I had to remember my mission as a father: to raise my son to be a disciple of Jesus Christ.
That mission gave me pause. It slowed down my pride, my ego, my impulse to make him feel what I felt.
Instead of teaching him that authority hits back harder, I showed him what self-control looks like. I modeled patience, and I taught truth.
And that is what discipleship looks like.
How You Can Apply This as a Christian Dad
Let’s bring this into your own home.
When Your Child Blows Up or Acts Out:
1. Pause and breathe.
Yes, your reaction feels urgent, but it usually isn’t. Taking 30 seconds to calm yourself can change the entire situation.
2. Remove the child from the setting.
Don’t try to discipline in front of an audience. It’s not about your ego—it’s about their heart.
3. Use objects to explain.
Is there a way to show them with a visual aid (like the vinyl roll) what their actions mean? Let them see and feel the consequence.
4. Talk more than you punish.
Spankings (when used) should never be the only response. Words disciple. Talk about:
- Emotions
- Better choices
- The heart behind the behavior
5. Teach biblical perspective.
Games are just games. Losing isn’t failure. Anger isn’t sin—but what you do with it can be.
The Bigger Picture: You’re Shaping a Man, Not Just Raising a Boy
Your son is watching you more than you realize.
He’s learning from your reactions.
- If you yell, he’ll learn to yell.
- If you stay calm, he’ll learn how to manage emotions.
- If you hit back, he’ll learn to hit when he’s hurt.
- If you communicate, he’ll learn how to express what’s inside him.
Christian fatherhood isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being intentional. And sometimes that means swallowing your pride and choosing discipleship over dominance.
Final Thoughts: This Is the Long Game
Discipline in the moment is easy. Discipleship in the moment takes maturity.
I know it’s not easy. I’ve lost my cool more times than I’d like to admit. But I’m learning—just like my son is learning.
Let’s remember what Scripture tells us:
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
— Ephesians 6:4 (ESV)
That verse isn’t just about avoiding anger. It’s about how we bring them up—through patient instruction, clear direction, and consistent love.
So, next time your kid throws something at your face or forcefully comes at you, remember—you’re not just raising a kid.
You’re raising a man of God.
And every moment is a chance to disciple him toward that end.