As dads, especially as Christian dads, we sometimes underestimate the simple but powerful tool of conversation. Talking may not always come naturally to us—many of us would rather be brief, to the point, and then move on in silence. But when it comes to fatherhood, silence can become one of our greatest obstacles.
The truth is this: if we want to disciple our children and help them surpass us in faith and in life, we must talk to them.
We are going to walk through the why, what, and when of talking to your kids. Along the way, I’ll share personal examples, practical strategies, and biblical wisdom to help you build trust and influence in your children’s lives.
Building Trust Through Conversation
Ephesians 4:29 says,
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
When it comes to fatherhood, talking isn’t just about words—it’s about building trust and shaping discipleship.
- Trust creates relationship. Without relationship, we have no influence. Without influence, we cannot disciple our children.
- Kids need authenticity. As they grow, they start questioning whether Dad is genuine. Talking opens the door for them to see the real you—not a perfect, indestructible superhero, but a father who is authentic and dependable.
- Conversation creates safety. If your kids feel safe talking to you about the little things, they’ll come to you with the big things later.
The point is simple: conversation is discipleship.
Why We Need to Talk to Our Kids
Talking to our children isn’t just small talk—it’s a core part of our mission as fathers.
1. Conversation is the Foundation of Discipleship
Too often we narrow discipleship down to family devotions, Bible stories, or church services. Those are vital, but discipleship is also about showing our children how faith shapes every area of life.
That means talking with them about:
- Business and work – how faith influences integrity and diligence.
- Education – why learning matters and how it glorifies God.
- Sex and relationships – God’s design and healthy boundaries.
- Money – generosity, tithing, and stewardship.
- Failure – how to process mistakes through grace and growth.
If we don’t talk about these things, our children are left to figure them out from friends, media, or trial and error.
2. Conversation Models Real Faith
Your kids don’t need a flawless father—they need a faithful one. By sharing not just your victories but also your failures, you show them what discipleship looks like in the real world.
- Be open about mistakes.
- Share how you turned back to Christ.
- Let them see grace in action.
When we speak openly, our kids learn how to live as disciples in the messiness of life.
What to Talk to Your Kids About
The short answer? Everything.
Nothing should be off the table when it comes to conversation. Some topics may need to wait until they’re mature enough, but eventually, everything should be discussed.
Here are some key areas:
- Faith and Scripture – not just in devotions, but in daily life.
- Emotions and feelings – helping them name and navigate emotions.
- Life choices – saying “no,” setting priorities, and making wise decisions.
- Culture and peer influence – how to respond to the world around them.
- Your personal stories – your childhood, struggles, and lessons learned.
Tip: Instead of asking “How was your day?” try asking “How did you feel about today?” This slight rephrasing of the question can cause them to think differently about their day. This can lead to a response laced with feelings which can open the door to deeper conversation.
When to Talk to Your Kids
We know why and what—but when? Timing makes all the difference.
1. In the Car
The car is one of the best opportunities because:
- You’re already together.
- There are fewer distractions.
- Conversations can flow naturally.
Sometimes your kids won’t want to talk. Don’t force it. If they say, “Dad, can you just turn the music on?”—respect that. The point is to make talking safe, not stressful.
2. At Bedtime
Bedtime is prime time. Kids will do anything to stay awake—including talk. Use that to your advantage.
- A simple question can spark a 20-minute meaningful conversation.
- Your child might bring up something heavy right before bed—don’t miss the chance.
- Even bending bedtime for an extra conversation is worth it when it comes to discipleship.
3. One-on-One Time
If you have multiple kids, make space for one-on-one outings. These don’t have to be elaborate or expensive. A simple dinner, a walk, or a quick errand together can create the perfect environment for heart-level conversations.
4. Around the Table
Some families thrive on dinner-table talks. If that’s your family’s rhythm, use it. The point is not where—it’s consistency.
Tip: Grab a pack of Dr. John Delony’s “Questions For Humans: Parents & Kids” to help spark conversation around the table.
How to Create a Safe Space for Conversation
If your kids don’t feel safe with you, they won’t talk.
Here are key principles for building that environment:
- Don’t overreact. If your child confesses something, respond with calm wisdom, not explosive anger.
- Be real first. Share your own struggles. Trust breeds trust.
- Listen more than you lecture. Sometimes they just need to be heard.
- Affirm their value. Let them know every question and feeling matters.
If your child makes mistakes and you’re the last person they want to come to, it’s time to change that.
Personal Examples from My Own Parenting
Example 1: The F-Word in Kindergarten
When my son was in kindergarten, he mentioned hearing about “the F-word” from his friends. When I asked what was said, he nailed it. Instead of freaking out, I said, “Yeah, that’s the one. How about the two of us have a boy’s night dinner and talk more about it?
We went to Taco Bell and as he rehashed the circumstance he said the word very loudly in the restaurant but luckily no one else was dining in that evening. However, all of this gave me the perfect opportunity to explain:
- Why some words are considered foul.
- Why I choose not to use them as a Christian.
- How our words should build up, not tear down.
That conversation ended the curiosity. He never brought it up again, and I was grateful he came to me instead of just listening to peers.
Example 2: Saying “No” with Courage
Another time, my son asked about my trophies from Bible Quizzing, a quiz bowl like competition over scriptures. That led to a story about how I only got into the program because I felt I had to say “yes” to adults.
I shared with him:
- It’s okay to say “no.”
- You don’t have to agree with every request from adults.
- Courage means knowing your priorities and sticking to them.
It was a chance to pass down wisdom that I learned the hard way.
Practical Tips for Leading Conversations
- Start with feelings. Ask, “How did you feel about today?” not “How was your day?”
- Lead with vulnerability. Share your thoughts before expecting theirs.
- Don’t treat them like therapists. Be open, but wise. Conversations should guide, not burden.
- Keep it consistent. Daily bite-sized conversations are better than occasional “big talks.”
- Be intentional. Every conversation is discipleship.
Our Mission as Fathers
At the end of the day, this isn’t just about being a better communicator. It’s about fulfilling our mission as Christian dads.
We are not called to raise children who simply get by—we’re called to raise disciples of Jesus Christ who will go further than we have gone.
And that starts with the conversations we have today.
So, dads:
- Be eager to talk.
- Be consistent in talking.
- Be unafraid to talk about everything.
Because discipleship begins with conversation.
Small Talk, Big Difference
Don’t underestimate the conversations in the car, the questions at bedtime, or the stories over dinner. Those simple moments are shaping your child into a disciple of Jesus Christ.
So today, make the choice to talk. And tomorrow, talk again. Your words may be the very thing God uses to guide your children into their calling.
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